A very Gaara Christmas
by The Handsome Blue Beast
Summary: Gaara does something he really shouldn't have on Christmas eve, and starts off an unstoppable chain of events! I know it's nowhere near christmas, but whatever.
1. I Saw Gaara killing Santa Claus

Hi everybody! I got this idea from a picture my sister drew. I hope you enjoy it! Standard disclaimers apply.

-----

Gaara stared at the ceiling of his room. It was the same old, same old. Well, except for the pajamas. It was Christmas Eve, and Gaara and his siblings had just gotten home from their grandmothers. Each of them received a pair of P.j.s. Gaara had gotten a Raccoon pair, Kankuro a bear and Temari a kitty. They were full bodied zippered ones, and were very, very comfy. Gaara could only find two problems with them. One, why the hell would he need pajamas? He didn't sleep! And two, they were drop dead adorable. They were the kind of Pajamas that would make someone even like Neji giggle with girlish delight. Gaara hated being cute. Suddenly, there was a noise from downstairs. Who was up at this hour?

Gaara fumbled downstairs to see a fat man in a red suit putting presents around the coffee table. Gaara's mind clicked to burglar setting.

"What are you doing in my house?" he asked.

The fat man turned around and smiled cheerily.

"Good evening little one! I suppose you must be Gaara?"

"So you're not only a burglar, but a stalker? I'm going to kill you..."

"But I have something in my sack for you!"

"And you're a pedophile. You make me sick. Coffin of the Crushing Sand!"

Santa was crushed, and all of his organs were strewn about the living room. Gaara congratulated himself on a job well done.

"What's going on?" Kankuro said, coming upstairs from his room. He was wearing his bear pjs. So Kawaii!

"I got a burglar." Gaara said calmly.

"On Christmas eve? That's bizzare..." Kankuro commented, and picked up a blood soaked red hat on the floor. "Uh-oh"

"Why are you two up?" Temari asked, coming downstairs in her kitty pjs. Hyper Kawaii!

"Temari, I think he killed santa." Kankuro said flatly.

"What!"

"Who?" Gaara asked.

"Boy, childhood joy and wonder skipped right over you. Santa is a jolly old fellow who gives out presents to all the good girls and boys on Christmas eve! Don't you ever remember getting presents from him?"

Gaara recalls a few Christmas's back, when the rest of his family is opening presents and he sits there, attempting to make his lump of coal do something entertaining.

"I got a puppy!" Little Kankuro said.

Gaara squished it faster than you could say nutcracker.

"Now that you mention it, it does ring a few bells." Gaara replied.

"Now what are we going to do?" Temari said, kicking what might be a spleen into the fireplace.

"Nothing." Gaara said. He plopped onto his bottom and began unwrapping presents.

"We can't just unwrap presents! What about all the other kids in the world?" Temari complained.

"Me thinks Gaara has a point." Kankuro said, looking through santa's stuff to find his presents. "Oh boy! I think it's puppets!"

"Hmm...maybe you two are right." Temari resigned, looking for her present.

"What do you think you are doing?" A ethereal voice said.

The three ninja turned around to see a hideous three headed version of themselves, tapping it's foot.

"Sweet Jesus!" Kankuro cried, diving under the coffee table. Gaara attempted to use the crushing coffin on this thing, but it just reformed. It seemed to be made of mist.

"I am the ghost of Christmas present! I have come to tell you that you three need to save Christmas!"

"Why do you have our heads?" Temari queried.

"I am a ghostly manifestation of your consciouses."

"But how can you be that and the ghost of christmas present?" Gaara asked.

"Oh, figure it out yourselves. I'm not a bloody answer booklet. I'm just here to tell you that you need to take Santa's sleigh and deliver the rest of the presents. Hurry up, you've only got 5 more hours."

The sand nin decided arguing with this thing wasn't worth the time, so they scuttled up the chimney and got into the sleigh.

"Sweet! This thing has GPS, cd player, surround sound stereo, and cup holders that adjust!" Kankuro cried, marveling at the engineeing beauty.

"Yeah yeah, just be quiet and put this on." Temari ordered, tossing him a spare santa suit.

"Why do I have to be Santa?"

"Because you are the fattest one here. If some kid woke up and saw Gaara as Santa, he'd die of a heart attack. Gaara and I will wear these elf costumes, okay?"

Gaara most certainly did not think it was okay. No way in hell he was getting into those pansy clothes. He didn't actually say this, but the death glare he was giving Temari said enough.

"Come on Gaara, It's only one night! And besides, no one is going to see you."

"If I find a picture of this anywhere, I swear, I'll kill you both in the worst possible way imaginable."

"We are off!" Kankuro shouted, starting the sleigh and taking off into the night.

--

Next stop, Konoha! Who asks for what? How can the sand shinobi screw this up? Find out!


	2. The First House

Huh, I didn't think that many people would review this, but that's cool. Thanks! And boy does time fly. But I've finally gotten around to updating this. I know it's kinda short too, so I'm sorry about that. Enjoy.

--

"The jig is up, the news is out, they finally found me! The renegade who had it made, a treat for a bounty"

"Kankuro, turn that down! Santa does not turn the stereo up to 10!" Temari screamed. Kankuro grimaced and turned the stereo down.

"Geez, I'm just having a little fun. Killjoy."

"I am not a killjoy. I'm just saying that we don't really need people noticing us. Right Gaara?" Temari asked, turning to Gaara.

Gaara was fuming. The elf suit was freaking adorable, and he wanted no part of it. Those p.j.s he had on earlier were bad enough, but now this? To much cute for an evil sand ninja. Gaara eventually noticed that Temari was talking to him.

"Temari, I don't care." he stated, not really knowing what she asked. Gaara began rooting through the presents, seeing what other 'nicer' kids had received.

"Oh, I wanna see too!" Kankuro said, jumping into the back with his siblings. Temari sighed again, but resigned herself to looking. After a few minutes of looting and deciding that some particular person didn't really deserve their particular present, Gaara noticed something.

"Kankuro, if you're back here with us, who's driving?"

Realization dawned on Kankuro's face.

"Oh dear."

"TREE!" Temari yelled. Kankuro dove to the front and yanked up on the controls. They barely cleared the thing, scraping the underside of the carriage. Everyone on board panted.

"Kankuro, stay up there." Gaara ordered. Kankuro nodded.

After a few more minutes of flying (and a narrow miss involving a very startled owl) the trio were hovering over the snowy village of Konoha.

"Aw, it looks just like a snow globe!" Temari smiled.

"I hate snow globes." Gaara pouted.

"Okay, first on the list is Aburame Shino." Kankuro checked.

"Isn't he that bug guy you were supposed to fight and yet wound up fighting anyway in the chuunin exam?" Temari asked. "Wasn't he pissed at you for that?"

"Yeah, he kinda almost killed me. I don't think he's gotten over it."

"Lets just go." Gaara prompted. The three flew to the Aburame household, and landed softly on the roof. They grabbed the sack, and shuffled their way to the chimney.

"Santa goes first!" Temari chuckled.

"Ha ha." Kankuro sneered. He jumped into the chimney, and landed uncomfortably on one of the logs below.

"MOTHER..." he managed to catch himself, and put his hand over his mouth. Kankuro scuttled out of the way of Temari and Gaara, who silently followed. They stalked into the living room, and started rooting through the bag to find the appropriate presents.

"Here's one for Shibi, one for...Winona?" Temari wondered.

"Mom I'm guessing?" Kankuro shrugged. "Where's Gaara?"

Gaara was currently rummaging through the Aburame fridge, trying to find something edible.

"Gaara! What are you doing?" Temari hissed.

"Eating." He simply put, snatching a piece of ham out of the fridge.

"We can't steal!" Temari whispered, but was silenced by Gaara's trademark 'I'm going to kill you if you don't shut the hell up' stare. Temari hoped that the Aburame's wouldn't miss that ham too much.

Kankuro put the last present under the tree and was about to call the others when the lights flicked on. He heard slow clapping and turned around to see Shino in the chair.

"Hello Kankuro."

"Shino!"

"Nothing escapes you, does it?"

"How long have you been there?"

"A while. Now perish."

Kankuro shielded his head in preparation of getting chewed to death by bugs. But a blast of sand stopped the insects. Shino and Gaara stared at each other, badassness permeating through the room. They both decided it wasn't worth it, since Gaara would get bugs in his sand, and Shino would get sand on his bugs.

"I'll get you later." Shino threatened Kankuro. Everyone ('cept Gaara) breathed a sigh of relief.

"Great, now someone saw me in this ridiculous outfit." Gaara scowled when Shino went back to his room to get some much needed sleep

"Yeah he didn't seem to bothered by the fact that we are playing the part of Santa..." Kankuro noticed

"I wouldn't worry about it too much Gaara, I'm pretty sure he doesn't talk much. I think your secret is safe." Temari added.

A few minutes later the presents were all set up, and they were ready to go. The three stared at the chimney.

"So...do you guys know how to get up a chimney?" Kankuro asked.

"Do I look like a chimney sweep?" Temari replied. Gaara then pushed Kankuro forward.

"Start climbing."

Kankuro scrambled up, Temari following, and Gaara taking up the rear. It was a tricky and dark climb. Suddenly, Kankuro felt something crawl across his hand.

"Blah!" he wailed, letting go of his hold. He crashed down on top of Temari, and she subsequently hit Gaara. They smashed into the log again.

"Get you ass out of my face NOW!" Temari yelled. Kankuro swore he heard Shino chuckling in the other room. Gaara silently fumed, and climbed up the chimney himself.

--

Well that does it for the first house! Who will they visit next?

Hopefully I'll update sooner. But who knows? See you around.


	3. Oh Dear

Next chapter! And I promised myself that it wouldn't take 5 months to update this time. Enjoy it like a delicious soup, or maybe a spoonful of Cinnamon Toast Crunch!

(crickets, start your chirping!)

Anyone? Joke from The Oddest Birthday? Oh never mind, just read. (goes to corner and mumbles something incoherent)

And on a side note, I'm gonna change the rating to T. Just because.

--

In a dark basement corner, lit only by the glowing of a radar screen, a man smiled. He smiled because there was a sleigh shaped dot traveling along the screen.

"Well well Mister Claus, it looks like you've returned."

The shadowed figure swivelled in his chair, and walked up the stairs.

"I simply must prepare. After all, I wouldn't want my guest to be, uncomfortable... MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Shut up!" One of the neighbors yelled. The shadowed figure regained his composure and began preparing.

"All right, looks like the Uchiha manor is next." Temari said, rolling up Santa's scroll.

"This ought to be fun." Kankuro muttered, rolling his eyes. Gaara just sat.

They landed on the roof without a hitch, and the chimney was large enough to be comfortable and easy to climb down. It had also been cleaned recently.

"This is going way to smoothly..." Kankuro thought as they went into the living room, "You just know something bad is going to ha...oh dear."

Lying face down on the floor, in a puddle of his own blood, was Sasuke. Temari gasped, Kankuro turned pale, and Gaara let out what might have been a chortle. The female ninja of the team went over to the milk and cookies and picked up Sasuke's letter to Santa. She began reading.

"Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas this year is to be dead. Really, what have I got to live for? It's either stay here in this village with fangirls, wasting away until Itachi kills me, or go hang out with pedophile-maru and his happy band of sex-slaves. So I say goodbye to this cruel world on this Christmas Eve. Maybe it's better in the afterlife..."

Temari looked up from the letter, horrified, "It's a suicide note! Gaara can you believe...GAARA!"

Gaara was bending over Sasuke, dipping his finger in the pool of blood and licking it.

"Minty." he said with distaste. "So do we get to keep his presents or what?"

Kankuro and Temari looked at each other, and guessed a dead guy wouldn't really miss anything, so they kept Sasuke's presents, gave the cat a little extra food, and left the scene of the crime.

"Well _that_ didn't go so well." Kankuro sneered.

"I made out okay." Gaara spat, playing with his new toy.

"Where next Temari?" Kankuro asked, ignoring Gaara.

"Looks like the Akimichi house."

So they flew to the Akimichi's, landing on their very spacious roof. The sand siblings slid down the chimney, and were greeted by an odd sight. All the Akimichi's were sprawled out around the living room, tired from their Christmas Eve feast, and preparing for the even larger Christmas day feast which would happen tomorrow.

"It's like God made it rain fat people in here!" Kankuro wowed, and was hit on the head by Temari.

"Just because they aren't appealing doesn't mean you can make fun of them. Now come on, lets find the tree."

The tree happened to be in the next room over, the dining room (you know, so they could open presents while still enjoying a hearty breakfast). Unfortunately, there was a sizable obstacle blocking the way, Grandpa Chojo.

"What do we do now?" Kankuro wondered, looking at the huge man in their way.

"Well...I guess we could climb over him." Temari suggested. Gaara shot her a no way look, while Kankuro nearly laughed.

"Are you mad? It would take 3 days, oxygen tanks, and a team of sherpas to make it up that thing! And we'd have to eat one of the sherpas to survive! No way."

A few minutes later, they were scaling Choji's grandpa. It was a perilous and disgusting climb, and Kankuro was complaining the whole way.

"I swear I'll kill her some day, I swear it. If it's the last thing I do on this god forsaken earth..."

They soon reached the top of the mammoth man, and were looking into the dining room. Gaara (who was in the lead) stopped.

"Gaara, why did you stop? It smells like eggnog up here. Please keep moving." Temari begged.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm stuck."

Temari looked to see Gaara's hands and knees were disappearing into the rolls. She also dared to look down at herself, and she was in the same predicament.

"Oh crap! Kankuro, don't come any closer!"

"Don't worry, I can't. I'm stuck too." Kankuro moaned.

The three wobbled about for a moment, trying to get out of this gross trap.

"It's like quickfat!" Kankuro snarled. Gaara glared at him.

"Quickfat? Is that the best name you can come up with? Are you retarded?"

"Really Kankuro, he's right. That sounds like some sort of anti weight loss drink..." Temari said, shaking her head disapprovingly.

A minute or two later, they were almost under.

"I didn't want to die like this!" Temari cried.

"I don't wanna die a virgin!" Kankuro cried.

"Shut up." Gaara commanded.

Then, just like that, they disappeared into the fat. Thankfully, Chojo had thrown back a few too many carbonated drinks, and let loose a belch that shook the heavens themselves. The three were catapulted out of his stomach from the vibrations, and landed safely in the dining room.

"I hate these people." Gaara dryly commented. Kankuro walked over to the table where the milk and cookies should have been, and picked up the note.

"Dear Santa, sorry that I ate the cookies again. I-I just can't help myself sometimes...anyway, I'd like a big old honeyed ham for Christmas this year, Choda would like some salami, Chobi wants some beef patties, Chogo would appreciate a bag of skittles (super size, but you already know that) Dad wants a deep fat fryer installed into the counter, and Mom wants some new chairs for the house. She says they're breaking for some reason. Have a nice Christmas! Sincerely, Choji."

Kankuro grimaced and put the letter down, "Maybe we should get family a copy of Jazzercise tapes, they could use em. Besides, Santa doesn't have a deep fat fryer handy."

"Actually, there's one right here." Temari said, dragging the bulky thing out of the sack. Gaara raised a non-existent eyebrow in surprise.

"Well, even so, we can't install a deep fat fryer, that would take hours." Kankuro complained.

"Yes we can." Gaara spat. "I've got an idea. Temari, you start playing some 80's music, I'll start building the robot, and Kankuro, grab 8 buckets of paint, a step ladder, and a goat. It's time for a montage."

(a montage of Gaara building a robot, Temari and Kankuro wildly hacking at the kitchen counter, Kankuro spilling paint on Gaara, Temari hitting Kankuro with the step ladder, the three of them getting chased by a saw wielding robot, and just a few random shots of the goat, all while 80's music plays. They stand before the installed deep fryer seconds later. Temari and Kankuro look very confused.)

"But we never even touched it..." Temari wondered.

"Such is the power of montage." Gaara said, before walking away. The three then dropped off the other presents, used the _other_ door to get out of the dining room (a novel idea) and left the house.

--

Wow, such shameless rip-offing. Sorry Revenge of the Nerds, Team America, Family Guy, and some others. Montages are hard to do originally...

Oh, and Sasuke's blood is minty because he is Emo. Emo's natural flavor is mint. And to me, it just seems like Choji would have an extensive family. But hey, just my view.

See you guys around!


	4. You forgot your Spandex!

Yeah 50 reviews! Thanks guys!

And just to say it, Shino didn't write a letter to Santa, because he doesn't believe in him. Enjoy!

--

"Next is the Hyuuga household." Temari explained as they flew through the cold night sky. Kankuro turned appropriately, and Gaara just sat there.

They landed on the roof, and slid down the chimney without any hassle.

"Geez, this place is gigantic!" Kankuro awed, looking at the expansive building. The tree was also very large. Gaara picked up the letter.

"It says the girl wants Naruto merchandise (whatever the hell that is) and the boy wants the main branch to die. I'll go arrange the second wish."

Kankuro and Temari jumped at Gaara, but he just pushed them back with sand.

"Relax, I was kidding."

"You can kid?" Temari asked. Gaara just glared, and went to find the kitchen. He indeed located it, and popped open the fridge. He got about two spoonfuls of jello in his mouth when he heard a low moaning. Gaara looked at the other side of the kitchen and saw a terrifying figure standing there. He had his long hair draped around his face, yet you could still see his bloodshot, pupil less eyes behind it. He was wearing loose white pajamas, and started shuffling towards Gaara. Gaara left.

"Okay, I think that's all the presents." Kankuro huffed, hoisting the sack back over his shoulder. Gaara walked into the living room.

"There's a ghost in the kitchen." He said, before scuttling up the chimney.

"What?" Temari asked, but then a cold hand placed itself on her shoulder. She turned around to see the terrifying figure preparing to gentle fist her. She screamed like a banshee and punched it really hard in the face. She and Kankuro scrambled up that chimney so fast it would hurt your eyes if you saw it.

"Go go go!" Temari yelled as they jumped into the sleigh. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief as they left the house.

"That was a close one!" Kankuro smiled as he turned around to see his siblings. But instead, he saw his siblings with a scary ghost behind their backs. It raised its hand in an attempt to gentle fist Gaara, so Kankuro grabbed something out of Santa's sack and chucked it at the horrible figure.

"Suck brick freak!" Kankuro cried as the brick connected solidly with the apparition's face. It toppled off the side of the sleigh, and they all watched as it fell onto a frozen pond, breaking right through the ice and landing in the frigid water.

"Victory for Kankuro!" he shouted, pumping his fist in the air.

"Uh, guys, I think that was Neji. We might have just killed him." Temari whispered.

"Oh." Kankuro paused. "But he was cadet branch, right?"

"I guess, but..."

"Good, so it's not like we killed anyone they liked. Remember, this never happened."

"Kankuro..."

"Never. Happened."

Gaara just silently sat there, thinking about how the Hyuugas had bad taste in Jello flavors.

"Fine, it didn't happen. Next is Sakura's house." Temari sighed.

Minutes later, they were in Sakura's house, and tromping about.

"Wow, this house is really boring." Gaara complained.

"Gaara, we're not here to have fun." Temari ordered.

"According to her." Kankuro chuckled. He then proceeded to shove Temari over the coffee table, which made a loud crashing noise. Gaara cracked a smile.

"You asshole, what was that for?" Temari shouted.

"What's going on?"

The three of them looked up to see Sakura coming downstairs, rubbing her eyes.

"...Gaara?" she wondered, looking at the sand boy sitting on the couch in an elf suit.

"That's it, she dies."

Kankuro and Temari grabbed Gaara, and started dragging him away. The sand licked at Sakura's feet.

"Come on, let me do it. She's not popular or anything. Please, just this once. I won't kill anyone else tonight. Kankuro, weren't you just defending fun?"

Sakura took a quick pic with her handy camera.

"No you didn't. I'll kill you, you pink haired witch. Let me go NOW."

But Temari and Kankuro weren't listening, and whisked him up the chimney.

"Wow, that was weird." Sakura mused. She then looked at the picture on her camera. "But this is one heck of a Christmas present."

As the sleigh flew through the night air, Gaara had sand tightly wrapped around his two siblings.

"I really ought to kill you two right now."

"Gaara, we were just OW!" Temari yelped as Gaara tightened the sand a little bit.

"But I won't kill you, because I can't drive this thing, and I despise doing chores around the house."

Kankuro and Temari sighed in relief as the sand retreated.

"Where to next?" Kankuro asked.

"Rock Lee's house."

The three of them involuntarily shuddered, thinking of what lay ahead.

They landed on the roof and got down the chimney without any hassles. Kankuro began eating the cookies while reading over Lee's letter.

"Dear Santa, I wish for nothing except youthfulness to be spread throughout Konoha! I even bought a present for you!"

Kankuro put down the letter and picked up the package on the floor.

"Aww, that's sweet." he said, and opened it. "The hell...?"

It was a trademark Lee spandex suit.

"Merry Christmas Gaara." Kankuro said, tossing the spandex to Gaara.

"Get those away from me."

Temari laughed while her brothers argued, and just happened to look towards the hallway. There was a frightening eye peering around the corner, almost glowing in the dim light.

"AH!" she yelled, jumping back.

"What?" Kankuro asked, slightly annoyed.

"Someone's over there!"

Gaara got up and inspected. "No there isn't."

Temari was about to defend herself, but realized that maybe she was just seeing things. They started putting presents under the tree, when Kankuro looked up, and saw that the tree had eyes. Big, creepy fish eyes.

"Wah!"

"What now?" Gaara snarled.

"The tree had eyes!"

So Gaara viciously attacked the tree, taking out his rage on the poor thing. And it was so nicely decorated too.

"See? Nothing. Get back to work." Gaara demanded, flopping down on the couch.

"SANTA!" a voice cried, and Kankuro was tackled to the ground. There was brief chaos, but they eventually established that it was Lee who was hugging Kankuro.

"Oh my god, this is awesome! I'm meeting Santa!" Lee cheered. He then dropped Kankuro, and rushed the other two. "AND his happy band of elves!"

Temari and Gaara were caught in a vicious bear hug. Gaara looked absolutely confused.

"This is the greatest Christmas of my youthful life!" Lee wept, dropping to his knees. "I will never forget this magical night!"

The sand sibling slowly backed up, and dashed up the chimney.

"But wait Santa! YOU FORGOT YOUR SPANDEX!" Lee shouted, running outside and waving the suit like a flag.

The three flew about for a minute, quite silent.

"Let's forget that ever happened. In fact, when we're done, let's forget this whole night ever happened."

"All right."

"I was hugged. Why was he hugging me? I'm confused."

And they kept on flying.

–

Chapter four is done! But we still don't know who has it in for Mr. Claus! Who could this person be? Find out soon!

P.S. Kankuro's line of "suck brick freak" is borrowed from that holiday classic, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.

P.P.S. In all of my fanfics, this is the 2nd time Neji has been hit with some kind of construction equipment. I see me a running joke... and Neji isn't dead, just very, very cold. And he was sleep walking during that bit, if you couldn't tell.


	5. Sasuke's Triumphant return

Hey, what's that on the horizon? Why, it's chapter 5! Drop anchor and prepare to board!

--

"Okay, putting Lee out of our minds, the next house is the Yamanaka house." Temari instructed. Gaara was still kinda confused.

They landed without a hitch, and got down the chimney just fine. The three munched on the cookies while reviewing Ino's letter.

"Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas this year is SASUKE! Oh, he's so dreamy, with his hair, and badassery, I'm getting woozy just thinking about him! Please, please, _please_ give me my Sasuke! Sincerely, Ino."

The three of them exchanged glances.

"Well, technically we could...but, we can't..." Temari pondered.

"She does really want Sasuke. And we can give him to her..." Kankuro shrugged.

"Let's do it, it'll be funny." Gaara smirked, and climbed up the chimney. Minutes later, they returned to the Yamanaka house, with one extra in tow.

"This is so not right." Temari huffed as they propped Sasuke's limp body in a chair. "I'm sure this is illegal."

"Illegal, but hilarious." Gaara smiled back. His siblings thought he was enjoying this way too much.

"It is kinda funny..." Kankuro decided. "Want to put him in a pose or something?"

He and Gaara then experimented putting Sasuke in different poses. Temari just glared in disapprovingly.

"Oh oh, how about this one?" Kankuro suggested, getting a martini glass out of the kitchen, and some sunglasses and lotion out of Santa's sack. Temari and Gaara looked on as Kankuro set up.

"Ta da!"

Sasuke now sat in the chair, with a martini in his hand. He had the lotion sloppily applied to his nose, and was wearing the sunglasses. Kankuro had also taped his face so it looked like he was smiling. The martini even had a little umbrella.

"Who's ready to hit the beach?" Kankuro laughed. Gaara didn't laugh, but cracked a huge grin. Temari started giggling despite herself, and eventually she and Kankuro collapsed into fits of laughter. Gaara just kept on smiling.

"Wow, I wish I could be here when she wakes up." Kankuro smirked, wiping away a tear. "All right, let's get going."

The three of them were still chuckling as they flew to the next house.

"Okay, this is the Nara house, right?" Kankuro asked. Temari checked the list and nodded. They slid down the chimney, and were greeted by the sounds of the T.V. Shikamaru sat on the couch, watching Robot Chicken reruns. He turned his head and looked at the three for a second, then frowned.

"You killed Santa, didn't you?"

"No, no we...okay, so we did." Temari gave up. "How did you figure it out so quickly?"

"I watch more Tim Allen movies than is good for my health."

They stood there for a minute, then joined Shikamaru in the living room.

"So, why aren't you asleep? Aren't you lazy?" Kankuro asked.

"Nocturnal. Plus, my idiot doctor gave me these." Shikamaru held up a bottle of pills. "He said I have ADD, since I did so badly on all my tests back in the academy days, so he gave me prozac. But you know what? It's not even prozac! It's bloody sugar pills. I popped three, and now I even have the energy to blink. It sucks."

"Boo hoo." Gaara mocked. Shikamaru sighed and poured a bottle of liquid.

"Sake anyone?"

"Shikamaru, we're all underage here, and I don't think it's a good ide..." Temari began, but was shoved out of the way by Kankuro.

"Don't mind if I do!"

Later, after an undetermined amount of time has passed...

"Dude, your ceiling is like...wow..." Kankuro slurred.

"Oh yeah? Well your sister is like...wow...so I win." Shikamaru declared, crossing his arms. Temari leaned over to slap him, but missed wildly and crashed right through the Nara's nice glass coffee table.

"Hee..Take that you tramp." Gaara hiccupped.

"Hey Gaara, you look thirsty. Want some water?" Shikamaru asked, tipping to the side slightly. Gaara shook his head.

"No man, you don't need water. Have you ever seen anyone die from not having enough water?"

Kankuro nodded, "Yeah, it happens all the time."

"No, you don't see it, you just hear about it. It's all part of the _conspiracy_."

"Dude, you're a genius." Shikamaru said, and tried to give Gaara a high five but instead slipped and collided with the corner of the couch.

"SHIKAMARU, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING UP AT THIS HOUR?"

The sound of Shikamaru's angry mother was enough to sober everyone up real fast.

"Oh crap, it's my mom! Hurry, get outta here!"

The three took his advice to heart, and skedaddled. Once they were back in the sleigh...

"OW." Temari winced as she began pulling glass shards out of herself.

"Chock up another thing on the list of times we never mention again." Kankuro chuckled, but instantly held his head. "Ow...my head..."

"Someone else saw me in this damn outfit." Gaara realized. "Someone's gotta die."

Kankuro and Temari looked at each other nervously, but Gaara's sand didn't head for them, but instead went off the side of the sled. Gaara looked angry for a few seconds, then his features relaxed.

"I feel better."

"Who did you..."

"Hobo."

"Oh."

There was an awkward silence in the air for a while, but it eventually dissipated. Gaara kills hobo's with alarming regularity.

"So where to next?" Kankuro asked.

"The Inuzuka household."

So the siblings flew a little ways out of town, since the Inuzuka's need room for their dogs to run around. All three of them noticed the stench the minute they landed.

"Oh god." Kankuro whined, plugging his nose. 'It smells like wet dog, dry dog, burnt dog, and every other kind of dog in between."

"Let's get this one fast, okay?" Temari suggested. The two rushed down the chimney, but Gaara paused long enough to notice the crooked old sign posted on the side of the chimney.

"Beware of ninja dogs." he read. Gaara thought about this for a moment, and decided maybe he'd wait in the sleigh.

"Okay, that's all the presents, come on Temari let's go." Kankuro ordered. Temari was about to join him when she felt something bump her leg. She looked down to see an adorable puppy, maybe not more than two weeks old.

"Oh my gosh Kankuro, look at this little guy! He's sooo cute!" she squealed, and picked up the little puppy. Kankuro moaned and looked over at Temari.

"Come **on** Temari, this place smells really bad. I want to get..go..." Kankuro suddenly stopped.

"Hmm? What's wrong?' Temari asked, looking at the frightened expression on her brothers face. She felt something large and wet hit the top of her head, and looked up to see the maw of a huge canine. It let out a low growl.

"Oh. You must be his daddy! I'll just put him down and leave you two alone."

Much to the siblings chagrin, several more large dogs popped out from behind things.

"Nice Doggies?" Kankuro squeaked.

Gaara looked towards the chimney with interest, due to the screams coming out from it.

"Oh god, don't bite me there!"

"Gaara! Help!"

There was a minute of screams and scraping, and Kankuro got about halfway out of the chimney before something started pulling him back down. He managed to hold on to the top with his fingers.

"Gaara!"

Gaara lazily walked over, and looked down at Kankuro's scratched up face. Temari was still screaming in the background.

"Brother, help me!" Kankuro pleaded, as the dog attached to his ankle wriggled around a bit. Gaara was stone faced for a minute, then stepped on Kankuro's fingers.

"Ouch!"

Gaara leaned in close to Kankuro, and whispered in his ear,

"Long live the king."

He then kicked Kankuro back down the chimney.

"AAHHHH!"

"Why the hell did you do that?" Kankuro asked ten minutes later, when they were back in the air.

"Eh." Gaara replied.

"And you! You just had to pick up the damn puppy!"

"It's not my fault Gaara killed all our pets when we were kids! Maybe if he didn't I could have controlled my reflex!"

"Eh." Gaara stated again. There's no arguing with Gaara.

--

Chapter 5 is finished! Poor Temari really got beat up this chapter...and Gaara's little thing was Lion King based, if you didn't know.

See you in chapter 6!


	6. Kankuro's Chestnuts on an open Fire

Chapter 6, in which we learn the identity of our Santa hater, Kankuro's pants become aflame, and ripoffs swarm around every corner. Think you can handle it?

--

"Where next?" Kankuro asked angrily, still mad at his brother and sister for the last stop.

"Hatake Kakashi's house."

So they flew over to Kakashi's swinging flat (Kakashi's a swinger dontcha know) and landed on the roof. Kankuro grabbed the stuff and jumped down the chimney. He was about halfway down when he noticed a distinct smoky smell and looked down.

"Jesus!"

Kankuro slid to a stop inches above the fire, and quickly shuffled his way back up.

"Guys hold on there's a..."

Kankuro was silenced by both of his siblings landing on top of him, and forcing him into the flame below.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Kankuro burst out of the fireplace, his pants alight. Temari and Gaara rolled out of the fireplace, sacrificing their shoes to the fire.

"PUT THEM OUT! PUT THEM OUT!" Kankuro screeched. Temari tried to use her fan to blow the fire out, but just made it bigger.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!"

Gaara stepped in and smothered the blaze with his sand. When it retracted, Kankuro sat there looking furious.

"When I say hold on, YOU WAIT!" he roared. Kankuro ruffled through the sack to find a new pair of pants.

"Sorry." Temari apologized. Gaara didn't show it, but he was laughing at his brother's incompetence inside.

"Let's just find the stupid tree." Kankuro growled, adjusting his new Levi's. They walked into the kitchen to find someone had strewn glass ornaments over the floor. There was also a sign pointing to the staircase across the room that said "tree this way"

"You've gotta be kidding." Temari moaned, looking at her and Gaara's bare feet. Kankuro laughed in confidence.

"At least my shoes are alright!" he snickered.

"Okay then chuckles, carry us." Gaara commanded. And there's no arguing with Gaara.

Minutes later, Kankuro panted heavily at the foot of the staircase.

"Dammit Gaara, that sand has to weigh a ton!"

"Not to me. Let's keep going." Gaara spat, and began climbing the staircase, followed by Temari. Gaara heard an odd swishing noise, and was very surprised when the paint can hit him in the face.

"Gaara!" Temari cried, but was then subsequently hit by another paint can.

Kankuro raised an eyebrow at the two, who were sprawled out with big red marks on their faces.

"He will die." Gaara menaced, and charged to the top of the staircase, only to find a door there. He grabbed the handle, and was immediately greeted by a vicious burning sensation. He ran back down the stairs, jumped right over the kitchen floor, and crashed out a window.

"Holy moly!" Kankuro exclaimed. He walked over to the window to see that Gaara was burying his burnt hand in the snow.

"I reiterate. He will die." Gaara snarled. "The door at the top of the stairs is booby trapped. There has to be another way in."

The three sat outside for a minute, formulating a plan.

"Okay, I'll take the west side, Temari, you take the east side, and Gaara, go in through the garage." Kankuro instructed. They nodded, and set off after their respective sides.

Gaara's adventure

Gaara tromped through the snow, furious at this Hatake Kakashi fellow for embarrassing him so. He would pay. Gaara pulled open the garage door, and was greeted by a air rifle shot to the crotch. Gaara's eye began twitching furiously as he shuffled into the garage.

"HE. WILL. DIE." Gaara shouted angrily to no one in particular. He then went inside the house, and found another staircase, this time successfully dodging the paint can trap.

Kankuro's adventure

Kankuro had climbed a tree, and was using it to reach one of Kakashi's windows. The branch he was standing on was a little too far away to reach normally, so he had to jump. Kankuro leapt into the air, grabbed the side of the window, and slipped on the grease Kakashi had painstakingly laid there. He smashed into the side of the house, fell 10 feet, and landed in the prickers.

"...ow..."

Temari's adventure

Temari had used her ninja skills to climb up the side of the house to one of the windows. She smirked when she found it was open. Temari foolishly put her feet down without looking, and was greeted by squelching. She looked down to see her feet in two separate Mega Blok buckets filled with some kind of adhesive.

"Crap."

Eventually the three met up on the top floor, Gaara still shuffling, Kankuro full of thorns, and Temari with her feet in wheeled buckets.

"This man is going down." Gaara menaced.

"Yeah. Who does he think he is, Rube Goldberg?"

Kankuro and Gaara looked at Temari curiously.

"What? I haven't really said much this chapter."

"Whatever." Gaara sighed. They burst into Kakashi's room, and attacked the first gray haired thing they saw.

Which happened to be Kakashi's dog.

"Shit!" Kankuro cursed, "We just killed his dog!"

Gaara grabbed the note taped to the dead dog's chest.

"Better luck next year claus!" he read. Gaara looked pissed, then ripped the note to shreds. "We're leaving."

So they walked down the staircase and up the chimney. That's what would have happened, if Temari hadn't had Mega Blok buckets glued to her feet. She fell down the stairs, knocking over her brothers, and sending them all sprawling amongst the glass bits. Suffice to say, they were all pretty happy to leave the Hatake house.

"That was stupid." Temari moaned as Gaara pulled the buckets off her feet.

"Yeah, what was that guys deal?" Kankuro wondered.

"SURPRISE CLAU...wait, where's Santa?"

The three of them nearly jumped out of their skin when Kakashi emerged from the back of the sleigh with a machete.

"WHAT THE HELL MAN?" Kankuro yelled. "Don't do that!"

"Sorry, I'm just looking for Santa."

"What do you have against that jolly old fat man?" Temari asked. Kakashi sighed and began his sad story.

"It was 21 Christmases ago. I was up getting a drink of water, when I looked into the living room and there he was. Santa. Being a little kid, I couldn't help but go see him. But he didn't want to see me. Santa turned around abruptly, and slashed me across the face with the object in his hand, a unfortunately sharp bottle of tough actin Tinactin for my father. Ever since then I've been forced to wear this mask on my face, reminded every day of the pain Santa caused upon my being."

Temari and Kankuro each wiped away a tear, but Gaara felt no such sentiments.

"Your sob story doesn't change the fact you hit me with a paint can, burned my hand, and shot me in the crotch. Sayanora Kakashi."

Gaara then shoved Kakashi right off the sleigh, and leaned over and spat.

"Merry Christmas you son of a bitch."

"Well, it least it can't get any worse..." Kankuro said hopefully.

--

Most of this chappie was based on the Home Alone movies. Poor sand siblings...

You guys will find out in the epilogue if Kakashi is dead or not.

Tune in for the next chapter, for when things get worse.

P.S. I've been updating a lot lately because I want to get as much done before school starts. Heck, I might even finish this before school starts.

P.P.S. Rube Goldberg was a cartoonist in the 1940's and 50's that often made drawings of complex machines that did simple things. Most of the Home Alone traps were based on Rube Goldberg style mechanisms. And now you know!

P.P.P.S. No dogs were harmed in the making of this chapter. It was a stunt dog!


	7. It gets Worse

Huzzah chapter 7!

And as a heads up, there's another sorta Disney quote in here. It's been changed a little, but it is still recognizable. Can you find it?

--

"I really hope he's dead." Gaara dryly commented.

"We all do Gaara, we all do." Kankuro comforted. "Where to next Temari?"

"Mitarashi Anko's house."

So they flew over to Anko's abode, and all slid down the chimney. The minute they hit bottom however, they felt the strange sensation of going back up.

"...Kankuro?"

"Yes?"

"We wouldn't happen to be trapped in a net, would we?"

Kankuro tugged a few times on the net they were trapped in.

"Seems that way."

The lights flicked on, and Anko stood there with a manic grin on her face.

"DINNER!" She squealed. The trio went wide eyed with displeasure.

Minutes later they were chained up to chairs in Anko's special meat locker.

"I really feel bad for Santa now." Temari sighed. "He has to put up with this crap every year."

"He gets through it fine, considering he doesn't have two **_totally_** incompetent siblings by his side." Gaara fumed.

"I hope she's joking about the whole dinner thing..." Kankuro prayed. Anko came into the locker room with a large pig carcass, whistling. She pulled out a un-necessarily large knife and began hacking away at the pig.

"_Home, Home on the range,_

_Where the ninja are locked up in chains,_

_And I stab them in the sides,_

_And I rip off their hides,_

_And tomorrow I'll do it again..._"

She turned to the three, smirking.

"I made that up."

Temari and Kankuro smiled, hoping that the police would arrive in the next fifteen seconds. Anko turned to the not smiling sibling, and kneeled down in front of him.

"What's wrong?" she asked in almost a motherly way.

"I've been having a very bad evening."

"Do you need a friend?"

"No."

"But Mr. Cutco needs a friend." she pouted, spinning her knife dangerously. "Won't you be his friend?"

"I would rather have a thousand shards of flaming glass forcibly shoved into my colon by a blind mentally handicapped man than be associated with anything that involves you."

"Zing!" Kankuro cheered. Gaara gave him a death glare.

"Wrong answer!" Anko snapped, and slashed at Gaara. Temari screamed, Kankuro winced, and Gaara just glared more (a poor defense, mind you). Anko stopped inches in front of his face, and started cracking up in laughter. She unchained the siblings, and led them back to the chimney.

"I'm just playin'. Now get out of here you little scamps."

They certainly didn't need a second urging as they practically flew up the chimney.

"What a psycho!" Kankuro commented. "Lets get to the next house as quickly as possible. Okay guys?"

He looked back to see Temari looking disgusted and Gaara retracting his bloody sand into the sleigh.

"Gaara, could you stop killing hobos?"

"No."

"..."

So after a bit more awkward silence, they flew over to Tenten's house. Unfortunately, it was not a smooth landing.

"Ice!" Kankuro yelled as the sleigh skidded out of control. He managed to stop it using Santa's patented ice brakes, but they were tipping at a peculiar angle.

"Thanks Kankuro, my innards really needed a good shaking." Temari scoffed as they climbed out of the sleigh.

"Shut up, it's not like I could help it."

So they began the slow and slippery walk to the chimney. Gaara was almost there, when the not so sure footed sand ninja lost his footing and slid down the side of the roof.

"Gaara!"

He grabbed onto the lights hanging from the gutter, and dangled there for a second. He was staring into a window at a very startled looking Tenten. The two peered at each other for a moment, then the gutter snapped like the cheap plastic it was and Gaara fell. Tenten shook her head, and wondered what was in that Christmas goose.

"Gaara, you okay?" Kankuro called, peering over the edge of the roof. One of the snowbanks below wiggled a bit, and Gaara's muffled voice came out from it.

"I **hate** Christmas."

"We're going inside, we'll open the door for you okay?" Temari shouted.

"I'll get in myself." Gaara retorted, standing up and brushing himself off. The other two siblings shrugged, and went down the chimney.

"I wonder how Gaara's going to get in?" Temari wondered. Suddenly there was a terrific bang from the kitchen. Kankuro and Temari rushed in to see Gaara walking in through a large hole where the door used to be.

"You destroyed their door!" Temari screeched

"Just a little bit." Gaara smirked.

"Who's going to pay for that?" Kankuro yelled.

"Not us. Let's go."

And they dropped off the rest of the presents rather quickly (they could hear Tenten's dad upstairs) and flew away.

"Dammit Gaara, don't do that! We could have gotten in a lot of trouble!" Temari scolded. Gaara just looked away and sulked.

"Next house?" Kankuro asked from up front.

Temari sighed and took out the list.

"Looks like Tsunade's."

Minutes later they arrived at the Hokage building. The sand trio were surprised to see the Hokage lying on the floor, surrounded by beer bottles, and quite topless.

"That's disgusting. Come on guys, help me with the presents." Temari ordered. "Guys?"

Kankuro and Gaara were blatantly staring at Tsunade's chest. Gaara's eyes were very wide, and Kankuro had a nosebleed.

"Oh for pete's sake..." Temari huffed. She tried moving the two, but they wouldn't budge. She eventually just gave up and did this run herself.

"Okay, you two have been staring at her for about twenty minutes now. We have to go!"

"Five more minutes..." Kankuro sighed. Temari curled her hand up in a fist, and stomped back to the sleigh.

"I can wait. They'll get bored of those things eventually." she said, putting her feet up on th dashboard.

1 hour later

"...ENOUGH!" she yelled, snatching her fan. She summoned her sickle weasel, and demolished the whole house. Kankuro and Gaara emerged from the rubble, looking very distraught.

"What did you do that for?" Kankuro whined.

"**YOU TWO. SLEIGH. NOW!**" She barked. Even Gaara dutifully obeyed his angry sister. The trio abandoned the wreckage, and flew into the night.

"Uzumaki house." Temari snapped before Kankuro could ask.

"Geez, why so angry? We're guys, it's natural."

"Is spending an hour an twenty minutes staring at a woman's chest natural?"

"Okay, so we may have dawdled a _teensy_ bit..." Kankuro admitted. Gaara was just sitting with a pleased look on his face.

"Just shut up and drive." Temari growled.

They eventually reached Naruto's house, and jumped down the chimney. Kankuro almost hit bottom, when he stopped.

"Ouch!"

"Ow!"

"Kankuro, are you stuck?" Gaara asked.

"...maybe."

"And you were making fun of fat people earlier!" Temari shouted.

"I'm not fat! This chimney is just too small!"

"Of course it is. Tubby."

"Just be quiet and pass me some butter."

"Don't eat it on us." Temari giggled, grabbing some butter out of Santa's sack.

A few buttery moments later, thy were inside Naruto's house.

"Good lord, it almost smells as bad as that dog place." Temari cringed, pinching her nose. There was garbage everywhere, and every step they took was very noisy. As they were walking to the Charlie Brown-esque tree, Gaara tripped over something rather meaty. He glared at the offending object, which happened to be Naruto.

"Bloody blonde haired idiot." Gaara mumbled, and gave Naruto a solid kick in the back. But he did not wake. Gaara then started unabashedly kicking the poor sleepy sap with gusto.

"Okay, we finished with the presents Gaara...GAARA!" Kankuro bellowed.

"It's okay, he's an idiot." Gaara said, as if that gave him all the rights in the world. His brother and sister had to drag him away from the helpless Naruto.

"I feel much better." Gaara exclaimed as they continued on.

--

It's done!

Happy September everybody! Now go share some buttery moments with your friends.


	8. Very Youthful Caroling

Yeah 100 reviews! Thanks a lot you guys!

And I must say whoops. I guess that It's done at the end of the last chapter confused some people. This story isn't done yet, I was just referring to the chapter. My bad.

Yes, a few of you got the quote correct. Good job guys, your Disney trivia is equal to mine!

Read on, good people, read on!

--

"Okay, only a couple houses left." Temari said happily, checking her list. "Let's hit the Maito house."

And upon arrival, Kankuro did just that. He hit the chimney pretty hard, and knocked off quite a few bricks.

"Oh crap." Kankuro said, inspecting the damage. "We can't get down the chimney anymore..."

"Then how do we get in?" Temari asked.

"Sand. Door. Explosion. It's not hard." Gaara stated, as if breaking and entering couldn't be more obvious.

"We're not breaking anymore houses." Temari snapped, grabbing Gaara before he could destroy anything. "We'll just do it the old fashioned way, okay?"

So they grabbed the stuff, jumped down to the porch, and knocked. Gai whipped open the door so fast the hinges snapped right off. They all looked at the door for a second, then Gai tossed it aside and did the nice guy pose.

"Why, what festive costumes you carolers are wearing!" Gai shouted at the top of his lungs. Kankuro winced.

"No man, we're just here to drop off these gifts..."

"NONSENSE! You simply must sing me a song!"

The three glanced at each other.

"Can't we just drop off the stuff and leave?"

"Of course not! Sing in all your youthful glory! BELLOW TO THE HEAVEN'S THEMSELVES! RIDDLE THE ANGELS WITH ENVY AT YOUR MARVELOUS TONES!"

"How do the neighbors put up with you?" Gaara wondered. Temari pulled her brothers into a huddle.

"Okay, this whack-job obviously won't let us leave unless we sing for him. Do any of us know any Christmas songs?"

Gaara shook his head, and Kankuro racked his brains.

"Well, there is that Weird Al song I know, but that's not so great..."

Temari shrugged and gave the two a quick lesson in Jingle Bells.

"Ready guys?" Temari smiled, and they started to sing.

"_Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way!_

_Oh what fun it is to ride I'm gonna make you burn in hell..._"

"Gaara, don't improvise the lyrics." Temari scolded.

So after a very youthful carol session...

"WHAT BEAUTIFUL MUSIC! YOU'VE MADE THIS MAN VERY HAPPY! HAVE SOME FIGGY PUDDING AND A HUG FROM ME!"

Gai then grabbed the three in a bear hug and gave them all figgy pudding. Understandably the trio left quickly.

"Wow, that was like Lee version 2.0." Kankuro groaned.

"Why do people keep hugging me?" Gaara asked his siblings. Unfortunately, they could not answer.

"Let's just hurry up to the Sarutobi house."

Off they flew to Asuma's house, where they landed softly and got down the chimney without a hitch.

"You know, last time we landed and got down the chimney without a hitch something bad happened...oh wow."

Asuma had left the door to his room open, and there was more than one person sleeping in the bed.

"Heh, Merry Christmas you lucky dog!" Kankuro laughed.

"Well that's good, at least now we don't have to go to Kurenai's house." Temari said, checking another name off the list. They dropped off the presents (mostly cigarettes) and blasted off.

"Sweet! Only one house left!" Kankuro whooped.

"Hooray!" Temari cheered.

"Finally." Gaara sighed.

The sand siblings hovered over Jiraiya's house for a moment.

"I don't really want to land...can't we just toss the coal down the chimney?" Kankuro pondered.

"It is a lot of coal...if you miss, something is gonna break..." Temari worried.

"What are you two talking about?" Gaara asked as he tossed the coal over the side of the sleigh.

"GAARA!"

There was a sickening crash as the heavy sack of coal went straight through Jiraiya's roof. The three slowly peered over the side to look at the damage.

"Kankuro, step on it."

Kankuro happily obliged, and floored it towards Suna.

"Good job you guys! We make pretty good Santas!"

"I think we did okay." Temari shrugged.

"We were seen like twenty times." Gaara pointed out. "And we caused millions worth of property damage."

"You mean _you_ caused millions worth of property damage."

"Tomato Tamato."

Kankuro looked back at his two arguing siblings. "Come on you two, quit the chatter. I need to concentrate he..."

Kankuro was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a tree. The sleigh smashed headlong into it, wrapping itself around the tree like a bun around a hot dog. No sounds were heard from inside...

--

A quick, cliffhanger chapter? What have I done?

And if you are an Iruka fan, don't worry, there's a reason Santa doesn't visit him. And I didn't want to bother with minor characters...

See you next chapter for the epilogue!


	9. A very Gaara Epilogue

Ah, the last chapter to A Very Gaara Christmas. I must say, this little fic surprised me, going a much longer time than I thought. It also garnered more reviews than I thought it would, making it my second most successful fiction to date. It also holds the record for taking the longest to update, a whole five months. Good things come in delayed packages I suppose.

Now to thank the many people who reviewed, I want to thank you all. Thanks Black Mage Leah, Izzy-chan101, crazy azn, Eratomo, Gforce member45, Suzerain, Uzumaki pheonix, Shikyo666, Rika Uchida, Melrin Kiyukisu, Lord Skoonie, The Goddess of the Madhouse, Nefnie, finder77, M, iluvgaara, DJ, Irsool, Hopemon, JG, Angels- Ramen, Gaara's Osaka, Hana, Maiden-Chan, specialman, Dragon of the Burning Flame, Sanouske S. Sagara, CherryBlossoms-Ninja, P.naykunoichi, FinalFantasyFreak1234, Google girl11, x0GaNgSta0x, Lady Azura, inggie, CoughHackChokeDie, Wombat of Light, yllom21, Kimi-sensei, tifachanx, UzumakiP, BLAH19, Eat, Keys of Darkness, band geeks are hot, Andersonfanandadmirer, lonelykitsune, Miss. Loveable, Celtic Warrior, Princess Fluffy3, FallenXAngelXMystery, shloop, and SiroKhorun. An extra special thanks to those who followed over from The Oddest Birthday. Many apologies to anyone I may have missed.

And I did finish it before school started! Yeah for me!

On to the chapter!

--

Shino's parents quietly walked up the stairs, and peered into their son's room.

"Shino? It's Christmas. Want to come downstairs and open your presents?"

But there was no response from him. They tiptoed over to see Shino was fast asleep.

"Aww, he must be exhausted from a night of terrorizing something." His mother smiled. "He looks so cute with his glasses off."

Shino slept on as his parents went to go have some breakfast. He looked awfully content as he slumbered away.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Honey! There's a goat in the kitchen!" Mr. Akimichi cried in alarm. This alarm changed to happiness, as he spotted the deep fat fryer in the counter. "Who wants goat for breakfast?"

"I do!" Choji shouted, waking up quickly and accidentally rolling out of his chair and landing on his honeyed ham. "Aw man...oh well, squashed ham is still good ham! Did you sleep well Grandpa?" Choji asked as he walked by his mountain of a grandfather.

"Huh? What? Oh, hello Choji. I had the strangest dream...there were these three people climbing over me, and they almost died in my fat rolls...oh well, what's for breakfast?"

"Goat!"

"Hot-diggetity-damn!"

So the rest of the akimichi clan waddled to the kitchen to inspect the new food stuffs they'd received and prepare for a mighty Christmas breakfast.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Things at the Hyuuga house were a little less festive. Hizashi looked on as many people attempted to pull a half dead Neji out from the Koi pond.

"How on gods name did that boy break through the ice?" he wondered aloud. "It must be at least two feet thick."

Hinata just happily squeezed her new Naruto plushie. "Thanks Santa.." she whispered.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE IT GAI SENSEI!" Lee shouted as he retold his tale to his beloved sensei. We all know Lee would rather spend time with Gai than his family. "I MET SANTA! AND HIS MERRY BAND OF ELVES!"

"HOW VERY YOUTHFUL! I MET A GROUP OF CAROLERS LAST NIGHT, AND GAVE THEM FIGGY PUDDING!"

"MERRY CHRISTMAS GAI SENSEI!"

"MERRY CHRISTMAS LEE!"

And the two broke down into tears and had a vicious hugging session, which would kill a normal man.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Ino groggily walked downstairs, and happened to look over to the living room. She saw over the back of one of the chairs a familiar raven hair hairdo.

"SASUKE!" Ino shouted, and ran into the living room.

"This is the best Christmas eve..."

She stopped at the sight.

"...AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Jiraiya looked around to find the mysterious source of the yelling, but decided it wasn't worth it. He lazily kicked some slush and shuffled along. He'd gotten coal again, and a large hole in his ceiling to boot. Maybe it had something to do with all the perverted behavior...nah.

"Maybe Tsunade will cheer me up..." he hoped. When he arrived at Tsunade's house though, it wasn't exactly intact. There was a rumbling from beneath the rubble, and Tsunade popped out.

"What the hell happened?" she wondered, looking at the mess. She spotted Jiraiya, who was looking rather dumbfounded. She jogged over to him, which seemed to be making Jiraiya very, very happy.

"Jiraiya, do you know what's going on?" she asked. Jiraiya just nodded.

"That doesn't answer my question." she huffed. It was just then she noticed it seemed very cold out here.

"Is it colder than normal?" she asked Jiraiya, rubbing her arms.

"Jiggly..." Jiraiya responded.

"Jiraiya, are you feeling okay?" she asked. She then noticed where he was looking, and glanced down at herself.

Tsunade was still very topless.

"THIS HAS BEEN A WONDERFUL LIFE!" Jiraiya shouted as he was blasted off by a nosebleed rocket. Tsunade ran back to the wreckage to see if she could find a shirt.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Kiba yawned, walking into the living room.

"I wonder what Santa left this year...oh crap."

The living room was in a state of chaos. All the furniture was broken, and there were mysterious bloodstains everywhere.

"I guess Santa was sloppier than normal..." Kiba shrugged, and went to go find some Kibbles and Bits.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"SHIKAMARU!" a shrill voice yelled. Shikamaru covered his head with his pillow and moaned. His mother burst into the room moments later, shrieking.

"What happened to the coffee table young man!"

"Mom, I've got a headache..."

"Have you been drinking!"

"Yes."

"Oh." she paused, and smiled. "At least you're honest. Come on honey, your father is waiting downstairs to open presents."

Shikamaru wondered as he was dragged out of bed why his father married this woman.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Tenten hopped downstairs, eager to see what Santa brought. She stopped at the kitchen, and looked at the large hole where the door used to be.

"DAD!"

"What dear?"

"We still have that door insurance, right?"

"No, I cancelled it last week."

"Shit."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Anko looked crookedly at the dead hobo lying at her feet. Her little shoulder angel appeared.

"You must give this man a proper burial! It is Christmas after all."

"No no, make a stew out of him! No one's lookin!" her shoulder devil sneered, poofing onto her other shoulder. Anko contemplated for a minute.

"All right shoulder angel, you win this round, but only because it's Christmas. If I find anymore dead hobos, they're as good as stew." she sighed, dragging, the hobo to the funeral home.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Asuma and Kurenai just kept sleeping. You know why...

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Naruto awoke to the sound of knocking on his door. He winced when he sat up.

"Why am I covered in bruises?" he wondered. He hastily did a mini cleaning session, put on his clothes, and opened the door.

"Merry Christmas!" Sakura and Iruka smiled.

"Hi guys!" Naruto said, inviting them in. "This is awesome! Sorry if the seats are a bit messy, I wasn't expecting company."

"I can tell..." Sakura moaned, looking at the horrible mess.

"Woah! What happened to Kakashi sensei!" Naruto asked, looking at the battered Kakashi strewn across Iruka's back.

"No idea. We found him in a tree on the way here."

"Wow, must have been some party he went to. Hey Iruka sensei, I thought you couldn't celebrate Christmas." Naruto wondered.

"Just because I'm Jewish doesn't mean I can't spend time with the people I care about." Iruka told Naruto.

"Okay then. Who wants ramen for breakfast?" Naruto asked, opening his kitchen cabinet. Iruka and Sakura politely declined.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Temari woke up with a start, and looked around. She was in her room. She looked at herself for cuts or scratches, but she was totally fine. No elf suit either, she was in her P.J.s Temari sighed and laid back down.

"What a weird dream..." she muttered to herself. She then heard the sound of Kankuro running up the stairs, and he then burst into her room.

"Temari, you gotta see this! It's incredible!"

She groaned and put on her slippers, following her excited brother downstairs. She was awed by the sight that struck her eyes. The living room was absolutely stuffed with presents. Every size and shape imaginable. Gaara was sitting on the one open space on the couch, and opening a gift.

"I can't believe it!" she said, looking around. "It's a Christmas miracle!"

"Well these presents aren't going to open themselves!" Kankuro smiled, and lept into the huge pile. Temari also smirked and tore into her presents.

"Hey guys, I found a card!" Kankuro said, popping out of the hill of gifts. "It says, 'thanks for taking back my holiday from that corporate fat man and doing so many good deeds last night. Here's a show of my gratitude.' Huh, no name though."

"Who cares." Gaara said.

They all tore through the gifts, marveling at what they received. Gaara played with his truck for a minute, then went to the next package. He paused, noticing the not as professional wrap job and a decorative tag. He read it to him self.

"To: Gaara Love: your brother and sister."

He paused for a moment, then looked up at his two siblings.

"Temari? Kankuro?"

"Yes?" They both answered. Gaara looked at his feet for a minute. "Thanks." he managed to squeeze out.

"No problem!" Kankuro smirked.

"But I didn't get you guys anything..."Gaara admitted.

"It's okay." Temari said. "To be honest, we never expected anything from you."

Gaara pondered a moment, then realization dawned on his face.

"I know what I can give you guys."

He released his sand, and wrapped it around his siblings. He pulled them over to him, and they looked pretty scared.

"Gaara, don't kill us!" Kankuro whined.

But Gaara did not kill them. He released his sand, and pulled his siblings into a hug.

"Merry Christmas you guys."

They both were shocked for a moment, but then they returned the hug.

"Merry Christmas Gaara."

---

FIN


End file.
